I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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