6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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