Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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