Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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