saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
