I feel like I'm in dance class right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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