is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
