you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
