Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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