Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
