I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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