i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
