You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
