my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
