Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
