I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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