Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how drunk are you?
Several
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
