You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FUCK WHALES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
