I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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