If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
