Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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