Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
