Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Congratulations! We have a period
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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