I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
