kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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