No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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