I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
