Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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