I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
