Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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