Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
