It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
