YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
