are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
