Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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