woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
