wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
