you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My ass is underappreciated
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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