i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
