Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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