some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
