Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
