Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
