I accidentally burped into my bong.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
