idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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