I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
