Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
