i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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