if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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