I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
