I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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