You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
