Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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