im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
