Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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