Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
