so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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