I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
