Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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