I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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