On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
