Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
