then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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