I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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