Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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