Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
