So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
