can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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