if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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